COMMUNICATION SKILLS

What is Communication?

  1. Communication is the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signal, or writing
  2. It is achieved by
    1. Presenting ideas in ways that encourage others to participate.
    2. Attending to the information presented
    3. Responding appropriately to it

Parts of Communication
There are Three Parts of Communication

How is information presented
Information is presented as

  1. Visual Elements
  2. “Actions speaks louder than words”
  3. Vocal Elements
  4. “Its not what you say – its how you say it”
  5. Verbal Elements
  6. What you actually say
  7. Don’t over-qualify statements – ”at least it seems that way to me"

Visual Elements

  1. Eye Contact
    1. Inadequate = anxiety, dishonesty, negative
    2. Don’t go overboard with it either J
  2. Facial Expression
    1. Appropriate to your message
  3. Body Language
    1. Relative position to someone
  4. Distace
    1. Intimate – 18 inches
    2. Personal – 4 feet
    3. Social – 12 feet
    4. Public > 12 feet

Vocal Elements

  1. Loudness
    1. Talking too softly  à timid and uncertain
    2. Talking too loudly à aggressive, angry, foolish
  2. Rate
    1. Too fast à nervousness or aggression
    2. Too slow à uncertainty
  3. Fluency
    1. Unnecessary “Um”, “Er”, “Ya know”
    2. Other disturbing vocal elements, e.g. Repetitions, pauses
  4. Affect
    1. Tone and inflection (stressing on particular word to make it important)

Verbal Elements

  1. Do not soften impact by overqualification
  2. But
    1. “I may be wrong, but …”
  3. Just
    1. “I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes”
  4. Kind of, sort of
    1. “I sort of hope you can follow me …”
  5. Little
    1. “There’s a little problem with this solution…”
  6. Apology
    1. “I’m sorry to bring this up …”

The Do’s of Public Speaking

  1. Pause, Enunciate, Use Silence
  2. Speak loud enough
  3. Concise but not too short
  4. Use appropriate vocabulary
  5. Be relaxed, confident and enthusiastic
  6. Keep arms and hands relaxed
  7. Be aware and react to feedback
  8. Be organized
  9. Conduct research and be factually prepared
  10. Present relevant and interesting material
  11. Organize the presentation so it flows
  12. Stay on topic
  13. Encourage participation
  14. Be professional
  15. Use appropriate media
  16. Provide an outline and summary

The Don’ts of Public Speaking

  1. Speak too fast
  2. Use “um”, “ah”
  3. Speak in monotone voice
  4. Pace
  5. Overlook confused stares
  6. Start late or end late
  7. Start with a disclaimer
  8. Make up answers as you go along
  9. Assume too much background
  10. Try to fill time with explanation overkill
  11. Argue with the audience
  12. Carry on running discussions with members of the audience
  13. Read the entire talk
  14. Favor one person
  15. Slump
  16. Dress inappropriately
  17. panic

How to Control Nervousness

  1. Take a deep breath
  2. Think of worst case scenario
  3. Prepare well and know the material
  4. Mental encouragement
  5. Discuss feeling with others
  6. Do something with others
  7. Do something relaxing
  8. Rehearse speech with someone
  9. Mental imaging

Oral Communication Factors

    1. Verbal
    2. Vocal
    3. Volume
    4. Rate
    5. Articulation
    6. Vocal variety and pauses
    7. Vitality

Listening is

  1. A combination of
    1. What we hear
    2. What we understand
    3. What we remember
  2. Crucial to effective communication
  3. A skill that needs to be developed

Three Types of Listening

  1. Informational
  2. Evaluative
  3. Empathetic

Learning To Listen

  1. Listening Vs Hearing
    1. 70% of our day is spent in communication
    2. 45% of this time spent listening
    3. Therefore we should be good at listening?
  2. We Forget
    1. Hearing: The perception of sound vibration
    2. Listening: Giving meaning to what is heard

Deterrents To Listening

  1. Assuming in advance that the subject matter is unimportant or boring
  2. Mentally criticizing the presentation, appearances or style of the speaker instead of criticizing the message
  3. Overreacting or getting “hung up” on certain words, phrases or ideas
  4. Answering quickly without taking time to think
  5. Attempting to schematize or organize the whole before having heard it
  6. Listening only to facts and wanting to skip or ignore details
  7. Avoiding technical messages
  8. Letting the speaker remain incomplete or incomprehensible
  9. Pretending to be attentive
  10. Withdrawing attention or day dreaming

Improving Listening Skills

  1. Prepare yourself to listen
  2. Remain principally the listener instead of alternating roles (listener-speaker)
  3. Actively listen (with all your senses)
  4. Suspend judgment, evaluation

Facilitating Further Communication

  1. Respond to what was presented
  2. Use and integration of four response types
    1. Exploratory, Listening, Affective, Honest Labelling
  3. Know when to apply
  4. Can be combined together
  5. Will lead conversation in different directions

Exploratory Responses

  1. Characteristics
    1. Encourages people to stay actively involved
    2. Indicates willingness to have our comments modified
  2. Types
    1. Open ended questions (What - How - Why)
    2. Essay questions
  3. Caution
    1. Not the Spanish inquisition

Listening Responses

  1. Characteristics
    1. Check out your understanding with the other person
    2. Asks for clarification
    3. Doesn’t accuse or judges
    4. Communicates your sincere desire to understand, not let important things slip by
  2. Types
    1. Paraphrasing complex statements
    2. Clarifying confusing statements

Affective Responses

  1. Characteristics
    1. Draws attention to feelings, fears, doubts..
    2. Fosters self awareness
  2. Types
    1. Ask about feelings
    2. Label feelings
    3. Describe your feeling
  3. Caution
    1. Labelling feelings may be wrong!

Honest Labelling Responses

  1. Characteristics
    1. Direct and honest: gets to the point
    2. Incisive: attend to the “real” message
    3. Willingness to risk: stick your neck out
    4. Straight: call it as you see it
    5. Encourages the other to be honest too.
  2. Types
    1. Deal directly and honestly with stated theme
    2. Deal directly with state process

Tactical Communication

  1. Verbal judo
    1. A martial art of the mind and mouth. The ability to keep calm inside, to read the audience and find the right words for the right person at the right time
    2. “Tac Com” is limited in TA context but useful
    3. Handle verbal abuse
    4. Diffuse aggression
    5. Resolve difficult situations

Dealing With Verbal Abuse

  1. When man throws spear at head, move head
  2. Deflectors and strip phrases
  3. “I appreciate it but…”
  4. “I understand that but…”
  5. “I believe that but…”
  6. But : Verbal springboard to re-focus
  7. Dis-empowers the person you are dealing with.

Diffusing Aggressive Behaviour

  1. Like a pressure cooker
    1. Do not fuel the flames
    2. Remove the heat
    3. Open the vent slowly
  2. Deal with by
    1. Listening intently
    2. Acknowledging their story
    3. Letting the anger run its course
    4. Doing a perception check

Resolving the Situation

  1. Ask/ Describe
    1. Leading to action that you want
  2. Set context / Express
    1. Your feelings, the context of the problem
  3. Present options / Specify
    1. Indicate any potential options that are open
  4. Confirm / Consequences
    1. Confirm that they are not agreeing, the consequences of
    2. Last chance for resolution
  5. Act
    1. Go to next resource

Outcomes of Communication Skills

      1. Understanding of different ego states and why and when we operate from each
      2. Understanding of the communication process
      3. Improved Active Listening Skills
      4. Improved Observation skills
      5. Understanding of yours and others communication preferences